True Story Of Ignorance

One night after a show, a small group of us were standing outside the bar talking. It was closing time and there were a lot of people staggering outside. One girl, that none of us knew, decided to stumble towards us. 

She was sporting the classic "skanky barbie wannabe porn star" look, consisting of, a terrible fake boob job, bleach blond hair, clown style make-up, puffer fish lips and hardly any clothes on... you know... a real "all american beauty". 

"Can I ask you guys a question?", she said in her best Paris Hilton/ Kim Kardashian high pitch baby voice.

Being the nice group of people that we are, we humored her by listening to her story.

"This black guy inside says I'm racist. Am I racist?" squeeled the puffy lipped piece of work.

"I don't know. Are you?" I replied.

"So..." she continued, "I was inside and I said, 'mmmm... tastes like fried chicken' and this black guy said I am racist. Is that racist?"

"Well, no, that's not necessarily racist," I said, "but, I guess it depends on how you said it or, you know, the context of the whole conversation."

*We later found out that the thing she was talking about that tasted like fried chicken was a milky, white substance that got on her face in the men's bathroom. We were talking to a really "classy" lady here.

"Well," she went on, "All I did was say, 'mmmm... tastes like fried chicken' and this black guy said 'psssh' so I turned to him and said, 'what?! I like fried chicken and watermelon and kool-aid! what?!' Then he said I was racist. That's not racist, is it?"

We all sort of laughed at her ignorance and drunkenness. 

"Well," I said, "That IS racist. Just saying you like fried chicken is not racist, but when you lump it together with those other stereotypical things and direct it at an African American like that, then, well, yea, that's pretty racist."

I was being nice. A small part of me felt kind of  bad for her. She obviously had some pretty serious daddy issues and she was completely hammered and maybe just didn't realize what she was saying and how she was saying it. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe, hopefully, teach her a lesson on human relations. She obviously wasn't the "white power, KKK" kind of racist; she didn't hate black people. She was more of the ignorant, "I'm not racist, I have A (meaning one) black friend" kind of racist. I figured she probably grew up with semi-racist parents in a semi-sheltered environment, never really being around any African Americans and really only knew the stereotypes. 

*On a side note, no offense to my Arizona native friends, but I have found that there are quite a few of these types of racist people here. I grew up in Illinois and I remember thinking how strange it was that I did not see one black person for the first five months that I lived here in predominantly white Arizona. So, anyway, I figured she was a product of her environment and maybe just needed someone to explain things to her.

*On another side note, two of the friends standing in our group were of African American decent. Also, my husband who was also there, was raised (for part of his life) by his African American step dad and has two bi-racial siblings. So, you can only imagine what we were thinking.

Honestly, I think we were all kind of shocked by this girl. I tried explaining to her, again, how her remarks were racist and this time I tried to put in laymans terms. She didn't understand and went on to tell her story again, but this time she stressed the importance of how much she likes fried chicken, watermelon and kool-aid. I guess she thought this was helping her case?

I don't know if we all just felt like being nice that night or if we felt like it was our civic duty to educate this girl on the error of her ways. Whatever it was, we all tried to explain it to her in different ways in hopes that she might finally get it. 

After nearly exhausting our efforts, I thought I might take one more stab at it to see if I could get through to this girl, when a young Asian American man walks up to her.

In one final attempt from the girl to defend herself she said, "I swear I'm not racist! I like all races! See, here comes my chink friend."

Wow.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

• If you find yourself defending the fact that you are "not" racist, you probably "are" racist.
• If you find yourself using stereotypes to "relate" to people of a different race, you are probably racist.
• If you, at any time in your life, have found yourself defending your "anti-racist" ways by stating that you have A (meaning one) black friend, A Chinese friend, A Jewish friend, etc... you are probably racist.
• If you are a trashy, slutty, white chick with cum stains on your shirt and have ever been outside of an East Mesa bar asking people you don't know if you are racist, you are most DEFINITELY an ignorant, racist whore.

If you have ever found yourself in any of these above situations, please do the world a huge favor and do NOT ever, under any circumstances, procreate. And for you ignorant people who don't know what that means, please, do NOT ever have children. 

THIS HAS BEEN A CATFISH MUSTACHE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT